I have always wanted more than one child and to be completely honest with you I wanted four while my husband wanted only two. Before Chyanne I told him to meet me in the middle and we would have three. Those dreams of a house with little children running around our house came to an end on August 23, 2010 the day of my diagnosis as the doctor said " you will never be able to carry another child", the importance of the phrase didn't resonate at the time because I had a brand new beautiful little girl and was the only thing that mattered.
Time went by and Chyanne started to notice other little kids and she would laugh in delight while saying "mommy baby, mommy look baby" and I started to want that second child even more. I have done my research in the past two years and have seen other PPCM mommas go on with another completely normal pregnancy. I will be lying if i would say that I don't get excited when I hear about those successful stories and that it gives me hope that one day Chy will laugh in delight over a little sibling.
I am extremely grateful for my life, my beautiful healthy daughter and my little family but that doesn't make me want another baby any less. I want to have my kids running around the house chasing each other, I want to have my kids jumping out of bed Christmas morning to open their presents, I want to see my children sitting on the kitchen table coloring while talking about their day and Chyanne deserves a little brother or sister to confide in.
My husband would also love another child but he is scared, he is scared of the bad that could happen to either me or the baby. I don't blame him because I can not imagine being in his shoes and seeing your pregnant wife in distress and not being able to do anything at all but watch and offer support.
I am tired of hearing people say:
-Why do you want another? you should be happy that you at least have one.
-Why do you want to risk your life or leaving your little girl without a mother?
- You are being selfish for wanting so badly to be able to carry another child.
I am also tired of the:
- Hurry up and give Chyanne a sibling because she is already two years old.
- It's time to try for the boy.
- Don't wait too long before having another baby because they wont get along.
people may not mean to but it hurts to have to answer questions and retort to statements like that.
With that I will say that I love my daughter more than anything and she means the world to me and her daddy. Her smile turns any bad day into a good one.
We will decide if another baby is in the future for us and no one can make that decision for us. I hope that soon there will be more information as to what is the cause of PPCM and hopefully a cure because I know many of my fellow PPCM mammas feel the same way.
Brenda
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5 comments:
hi
It's not an easy decision in the least! I'm rooting for you no matter what :)
I follow you on IG and just now had the time to read a few posts from your blog - first of all I've gotta say, you are so strong! And such a good mommy! Chyanne is blessed to have you (and vice versa, of course). I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers and know that God will take care of yall.
I've gotta add (unwarranted advice, please give me) - have you thought of using a surrogate? I know most people's first reaction is to gasp at how expensive it is, but I myself have looked into being a surrogate, and there are ways to make it happen without spending $20,000+. Idk, just an idea.. I'm sure you've thought of it, but I just thought I'd mention.
I'm pretty sure she mentioned something about how carrying the mothers eggs could actually cause the surrogate to develope PPCM
Wow, that's touching. I know what you mean. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like your selfish for your feelings and emotions, that's nonsense. You are a human being with completely normal thoughts and feelings. They're the selfish ones for not understanding. Shame on them
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