My Dreams about having more children

I have always wanted more than one child and to be completely honest with you I wanted four while my husband wanted only two. Before Chyanne I told him to meet me in the middle and we would have three. Those dreams of a house with little children running around our house came to an end on August 23, 2010 the day of my diagnosis as the doctor said " you will never be able to carry another child", the importance of the phrase didn't resonate at the time because I had a brand new beautiful little girl and was the only thing that mattered.



Time went by and Chyanne started to notice other little kids and she would laugh in delight while saying "mommy baby, mommy look baby" and I started to want that second child even more. I have done my research in the past two years and have seen other PPCM mommas go on with another completely normal pregnancy. I will be lying if i would say that I don't get excited when I hear about those successful stories and that it gives me hope that one day Chy will laugh in delight over a little sibling.


I am extremely grateful for my life, my beautiful healthy daughter and my little family but that doesn't make me want another baby any less. I want to have my kids running around the house chasing each other, I want to have my kids jumping out of bed Christmas morning to open their presents, I want to see my children sitting on the kitchen table coloring while talking about their day and Chyanne deserves a little brother or sister to confide in.


My husband would also love another child but he is scared, he is scared of the bad that could happen to either me or the baby. I don't blame him because I can not imagine being in his shoes and seeing your pregnant wife in distress and not being able to do anything at all but watch and offer support.



I am tired of hearing people say:


     -Why do you want another? you should be happy that you at least have one.


     -Why do you want to risk your life or leaving your little girl without a mother?


      - You are being selfish for wanting so badly to be able to carry another child.



I am also tired of the:



       - Hurry up and give Chyanne a sibling because she is already two years old.

       - It's time to try for the boy.


        - Don't wait too long before having another baby because they wont get along.



people may not mean to but it hurts to have to answer questions and retort to statements like that.


With that I will say that I love my daughter more than anything and she means the world to me and her daddy. Her smile turns any bad day into a good one.


We will decide if another baby is in the future for us and no one can make that decision for us. I hope that soon there will be more information as to what is the cause of PPCM and hopefully a cure because I know many of my fellow PPCM mammas feel the same way.

Brenda

Nine years ago and six years ago on September 16

On September 16 it will be nine years since we started dating and six years since our engagement


I can not believe how fast time goes by.
Nine years since that warm day in high school walking to math class in our junior year when he held my hands and asked me so sweetly to be his girlfriend after two years of friendship.

I had a crush on him for a long time and from what I know now so did he but we were just friends for two years where he had girlfriends and I had boyfriends. We had classes together and we would always sit next to eachother and flirt and everyone noticed, I know this because they would always say to us "you guys are going to end up together and dating" we just laughed at that.

Fast forward a couple of months and he finally found the courage to ask me out.. I remember the feeling of excitement, nerves and butterflies in my stomach. The handsome guy who I had a crush on who I insisted to walk by just to say hi was asking me to be his girlfriend finally and of course I said yes!

Three years later on that same date he proposed to me on the Pismo Beach pier and it was a day that I will never forget. He forgot to get on his knee because he was so nervous but to me it was perfect and his mom and sister were able to get it on video.

Now here we are married for a little over 3 years and with a little girl who brightens up our lifes. Yes we argue, yes we disagree, yes we annoy eachother but we LOVE eachother and we are partners. I still get butterflies when my phone rings and I see his name pop up or when I hear his truck pull up to our house.

I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NOT WAIT FOR MANY MORE YEARS TOGETHER

Engagement day 2006

                                                                    Chyanne's birth 2010

                                                                   Dinner  2011

<3 brenda="brenda">

What if.....

Yesterday my co-worker brought up something that I had thought about at least once or twice before.

Can you imagine if you wouldnt have miscarried your first baby?

(for you that didnt know, I miscarried a baby in June 2009 at 6 weeks pregnant)

*would I have developed peripardum cardiomyopathy then?

* would I have lived through that pregnancy?

*Would I gone my life without my precious baby girl?

* would I, would I, would I.........

there are so many things and questions that will never be answered. Back then I thought it was the end of the world when I lost that baby but now... now I see it as a blessing a blessing that I am alive, that I have a sweet daughter that I love with all of my heart, She is the highlight of my day, hour, minute, year, life.

I think god had a plan. God knew that Chyanne was the perfect little girl for us and for that reason everything happened how it did and now I wouldnt change anything about the past.

I will never forget that first baby ever but I am beyond happy that his/her little sister is our sweet sweet little Chyanne.

<3 Brenda

Chyanne Turns TWO!

This amazing litttle ball of curiosity turned two years old.

I had no idea that time could go by this fast I mean she was just a little infant cuddling with me on the couch and now she is talking in full sentences.

We planned a small party for her this year and I mean small compared to her first birthday party.

Over 6 months ago I started thinking about themes for her party and I went from Elmo (her favorite character at the moment), vintage, rainbow, garden among others but finally decided on a wtermelon theme and believe me it was a blast to plan for such an adorable and easy theme.

My wonderful friend Valerie helped with everything decoration wise and trust me she is very talented. She basically made all of the decorations you see and was such a great sport the whole time.

Back to her party

she knew it was going to be something big because she would get so excited when nyone would say "birthday party" she would smile big and her eyes would lighten up and a "mami mye bootay pari" would escape her little mouth. If she would see a centerpiece, a watermelon or anything in those colors she would say "payyiii" party in toddler talk and if we received any sort of package in the mail she would run and say "my bootay pesent" hahaha it was adorable.

The morning of her party my husband and I spent four yes 4 hours decorating our back yard for the party and let me tell you it turned out amazingly beautiful that my husband was impressed. Chyanne watched in awe of all the fun things happening in the back yard and she insisted on helping decorate. Once the decorations were set we gave her a bath and dressed oh so cute.

Then our wonderful guests arrived even some sweet instagram friends who I have become great friends with.

The weather was great altough it was mid August it was 92 degrees with a cool breeze under the trees and I did not her anyone complain.

Chyanne played and chased after her little friends and cousins until midnight hich resulted in a sleeping in late day.

This birthday party rocked her little world in a good way



 We only got one family picture that day and she is not even looking at the camera wich bums me out but I am glad we at least got one.

<3 brenda="brenda">

Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving are always very low key. We always dress us between casual and comfy and spend time with family.

My parents have never been a fan of turkey so we always had chicken but since I got married my husbands wonderful Nanna and her husband Don fix up the most amazing turkey. Its delicious but i always prefer to have ham.

This year Chyanne got to enjoy her first Thankgsgiving dinner because last she was only three little months old and well had a bottle lol

I wish i would of taken some good pictures but it was a busy day between going to my parents, Nannas and my husbands aunts house that I didnt.

Here is Chyanne though looking adorable

We bought her outfor and my mom made her leggings to match while i made her headband

and

waa laa!!!

getting ready for the Holiday's

I left of around Halloween last year so the holidays were next 

We had the wonderful AllisonClaire do a photo shoot for our christmas card this year. We went out to the orchirds here in our are but we went a week too late because all of the beautiful white little flowers had fallen. However that did not make the picturtes any less beautiful. We have a close relationship with Alli because well besides the fact that she dated my little brother for over a year she was there for our 3D ultrasound and took our maternity, newborn, nursery, hospital, mommy and me pictures, birthday shoot and now our christmas ones too.

anywho

I love these pictures and believe they will great to look back on when she is older.

A little side note:  I always use pictures on invitations and cards because I like that our family and friends keep them and dont just toss them away because there is a picture on them.

<3 brenda="brenda">

I have not been blogging for alomst a year.

Hi there,

hope you are all doing wonderful.

Well our life had so many good changes last year and between going back to work and not having a computer, well it kept me from blogging.

Chyanne just turned two two weeks ago but I want to fill you in on a couple of things from my year in hiatus.

<3 brenda="brenda">